I spend a lot of time talking LOVE LANGUAGES, but does everyone know what they are? Did you know that there are 5 of them? Did you know that while most people have 1 specific they most likely fall into another dominate category as well? I started learning more about the 5 languages years ago from a friend when I taught motor skill development, at the time he was trying to use them to help guide his teaching. I am one of those people when I hear of something that can help me have better relationships, better hair better anything I will use is, buy it, learn from it whatever it is. Not to say I am easily sold, but I love to use products, tips and tricks and most of all advice that actually works, so when it comes from someone I trust I am going to believe it. Now I didn’t utilize the 5 languages in all my relationships until the last year. I will say though by knowing them I do feel it has made me a more aware friend, a more conscientious partner and most of all a more giving human. Because I am able to tell how people want to give and receive love, I am also a better communicator because I am able to say how I want and don’t want to be loved. Now let’s talk about what these 5 languages are quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service and last but not least physical touch. Now there is an awesome book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman or you can check out his website for a test ill link below so you can see more on your exact love language but here are my results and what each language means.
I am the strongest in quality time. If you know me personally or if you have been reading for a while you can probably tell this by now. I absolutely love to be around people, making personal connections with them. But quality time goes a little deeper than that. The definition given on my results is this…
“In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this typeof person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.”
I not only want to spend time with you, but I want that time to be undivided, no I don’t mean I have to be the center of your universe, but I want that time to be about our connection and about our memories. I don’t want either of us leaving the time we spend together going “well that was a waste of time” or worse yet, why did they spend so much time preoccupied with something or someone else why I wasn’t even important? I also hate being misunderstood or spoken for. I am as you can see a very blunt person, what I say is exactly what I am meaning and how I mean it, there is never a hidden agenda. I sincerely dislike when people try and change what it is I am saying to fit what it is they think, assume or want me to say to fit their agenda. I know sometimes it can be hard to believe when someone says they mean what they say, but I do, and I don’t want to be misunderstood because you didn’t spend quality time getting to know me or how I am personally. Time is one of the most valuable things we have as humans, if we spend our time wisely, cherish our tribes and love with our whole hearts, eventually we’ll look back and say to ourselves… that was totally enough for me.
My boyfriends love language is different than mine, he is an acts of service person.
“Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.”
He loves being appreciated by having things done for him. Laundry done for him, perfect! Someone surprising him with the dishes, he’d ask them to marry him! Can you see where I am going with this? I love spending time, he likes me doing things… You’d think we’d never get along. But like I’ve said many times he is the yin to my yang and the fact that he loves differently than I do but we are aware of that is why we have survived. Now that’s not to say that it is all peaches and cream… But when you put time and effort into learning about each other’s preferred way of being loved you have a better way of truly loving the person.
He is able to know that when I take the time to do the laundry I love him, just as when he puts his phone down and asks about how the blog is doing he loves me. It is a balance between the two that makes us equal and able to understand. To some me doing the laundry could be a normal activity, to him it means the world. To others him taking the time to be present in a conversation about something I am interested in is a normal activity, to me it speaks volumes.
I urge you to take the test on the five love languages that I have linked below see what your love language is,
as well as have your spouse and even your children take the test. I say this because what if how you are showing love is not how the person is receiving it and after all this time your communication issues could be solved by simply changing your methods.
Take some time to really focus on the people around you, learn from their way of loving and giving to others and start loving them the way they love. See the impact it has not just on them and your relationships, but on you. You will feel more secure, more confident and most of all grateful for all of the most important people in your life all because you chose to take the time to love them the way they need to be loved.
